after my divorce

i should first say that i wasn't actually married to him. we were together for 7 yrs, so we were common law. i met him when i was living on vancouver island in a city called parksville. i was chatting with a friend while her baby and my 2 yr old daughter played. he was moving furniture into someone's house. my friend and i were talking about how she was going to get over her break up with the baby's father and that's when we noticed him. not that he was hard to miss.

he was carrying a heavy piece of furniture over his head, his arms, shoulders, abs ...everything was flexed. he was so good looking! i said to my friend "now that's something that would help you get over mike" refering to the guy we were now both checkin out. i guess he noticed us watching him and he came over and introduced himself to us. i told him to sit with us in hopes he and my friend would get to know eachother, but i realized immediatly he was interested in me not my friend. after a quick chat with her i knew it was ok to go for him. and i did. and we were together for the next seven years.

the next 7 yrs of my life were confusing. i didn't trust donny as far as i could throw him ( which wasn't that far) and we fought all the time. he was always going out and partying with his friends and i was always at home with the kids. i think we stayed together because we really did love eachother. the sex was great and we could make eachother laugh. all of our friends would say that we were the perfect couple.

the thing about him was that if we were alone he was great. if he was with his friends he wasn't. if he was with his friends he was drink and high, he wasn't coming home for days on end and taking all of my money. there were times that i would wake up and my mortgage money and my food money would be gone. and i would not be able to get a hold of him or find him anywhere in town. one time he took all of my money and stole my car. i couldn't get my daughter to kindergarten for 2 weeks.

i found out he was doing meth and he was selling drugs. i didn't know what to do. when he came home i asked him and he freaked out on me. he smashed all the ornaments in my bedroom and he threw cups at me. he punched holes in the walls and doors. and blamed me for his anger saying it was because i didn't trust him.
then after he had his fit he would take all of my money or bank cards and leave for 2 more weeks.

of course when he came home we would work it out and make up. he would promise to stay home more and he would say he would get a real job.
but he didn't and it would all start again soon enough.

i put up with this for seven years ( i don't recomend this to ANYONE)!! and finally i got so sick of feeling lonely and sad and feeling the loss that my kids were feeling i finally gave up on him.
in the very end i found out he was not only doing drugs and selling drugs but having an affair as well.

this broke my heart. that part was the hardest to get over. yes i was angry. i had never been so angry in my life. but i was so sad that i had this idea i my mind that we could be this fab couple and stay together forever and be happy forever, but he was cheating on me. and cheating on my kids. he was spending time with someone who isn't even close to being as important as the kids should have been.

the last time we were together i had to have him removed by the police. actually my father called the cops for me because he knew something was wrong. it ended badly. i won't get into that right now, maybe in another posting.

but after that was all said and done i realized that i had gained weight. i had not been that heavy since i was pregnant. i felt like crap obviously because the man i loved had cheated on me, and now i was fat. lonely and fat.
great frickin combo! i figured i had to do something about it. the weight gain had started when i wasn't eating due to stress. my body went into starvation mode. not good.

after i figured out how to have 3 small meals a day and some healthy snacks i started to lose weight. then i started to work out.i lost even more weight. and most importantly i started to feel good again.

my kids have gotten over the break up and have started healing. they understand that their dad is sick right now and that he is mean to mommy. i explained to them that we, as grown ups, make decisions to keep our kids safe. this was one of those decisions, dad had to go.
my kids and i have not seen him for about 7 months.

life is good!