bite the dirt and pay up

well, life has been very hectic with the holidays and my kids' birthdays. i am so glad it is done!
i went out on a date with my friends cousin. that didn't work out at all.i dont' even want to tell you about it because it was that bad. he was very good looking, very sexy, very smart..blah blah blah. but he wasn't a very good person.
so that's that. but i know the security gaurd at work has a thing for me. he's young...but smart, has a job and is so very, very cute. i am holding out with him. i will have to wait and see where that gets me.
anyhow. this year my resolution is to pay off all the debts my ex left me with and clean up my credit. woo hoo!
i am so in debt because of him! oh well. oh yeah. did i tell you he is in the penn now? he was on canada's most wanted...omg. will he ever grow up? probably not. not my problem anyways.
so i made a budget and i am sticking to it. this is only month one though. we'll see. i really hope i can be strong and not screw this up. i need to get out of debt right now.i hate the feeling of knowing that i owe something to someone. it has gone on way too long. first i tried to fight it and say it was not my debt. but that didn't work. so now i just have to bite the dirt and pay it.
and i will.
well. that's all for today.

a new kind of energy

well i did it. i put out a new kind of energy today. my day totally sucked until i changed it. i decided that i really like the new security guard that works in my office and he is soooo cute. so i asked for his # and he gave it to me.

then when i was on my break adn i was outside smoking he came out to see me. we went for a walk over to the coffee shop, and he opened the door for me!, and we got a coffee. we were talking and time almost stopped because all of a sudden i realized i was completely late for work and i had to say good bye.

i send him a txt msg tonight after work asking him if he has plans on saturday. i will have to wait patiently to hear from him. i am quite pleased with myself. i am an agressive person my nature. so it wasnt' that i stepped out on a limb and did something i wouldn't normally do. i was fine asking for his number. it was the fact that i changed my attitude that made me so happy. i am very proud of myself.

well i am off to clean my spare room now. it is the room in which i put all the stuff that i don't have time to put away properly. my kids call it the room of torture. lol

i'm in a real bad mood

i shouldn't care about what happened with ryan. but i do. and i think it is because my feelings are hurt and when that happens i become analytical. i have been reading men are from mars women are from venus. it is clearing up alot of things for me. it is a book written for analytical people like me.
my kids are driving me nuts today. they have been kinda whiny and kinda hyper. and let me tell you that the two just dont' mix. either way they are on their way to a grounding pretty soon. i just cant' help but be aggravated today. i am in a real bad mood!
today at work i almost told some customers to shove it. that would have been bad. and i prob would have done it but my boss was right there. only by the grace of god was i able to keep my cool and not get into a screaming match with them.
i would have won anyhow. lol
i dont' know what is wrong with me lately. i can't seem to get on with life.
ooh. big news. my ex was on canada's most wanted and he was arrested the other day. so he is out of my life and on his way to the penn! again, the grace of god to my rescue! i am very grateful because he was stealing food from my damn freezer that is on my porch outside!!
ya you heard me right. he is literally stealing food from babies. (and no he wasn't paying his child support either.) it just doesn't get any lower than that, does it?
wherer the hell do these losers come from? am i wearing a sign? one that says "hey loser! come and take advantage of me!"
i have to start projecting a different kind of energy or something. something that will attract men that have legal and legit jobs, men that have houses that they own and that are furnished. men that love and cherish their families. a real man, not some guy who is full of it.
i need a list of what i want in a man. and then i need to email it to santa. i've been pretty good this year. lol!
well that is all the complaining i can do for one night. i'm done. hopefully i will be in a better mood tomorrow!

i thought i kinda knew what i was doing?

last week i wrote about the email from ryan that wasnt' a real email but instead a link to a contest. and how i replied with me saying to him in an email that i was choked that he hasnt' called me but sent me a link to a contest and that i thought he was really inconsiderate.

well then 2 days ago i got another email from him saying that his dad was in an accident and he had been realy busy. at the end of his email he said please do not respond.

i couldn't let it go and i felt like i had to say some thing back to him because i was confused and i was hurt that he was just letting go like that, so easily. so i emailed him back saying something to the effect of; "ya i know you told me not to bother but i just wanted to say that i am sorry that your dad was hurt at work, and i hope he is ok. also i just wanted to say to you that i know that what ever is going on in your life you don't care to share with me. that's fine i understand. but i want to tell you that i am really glad that i found out what an inconsiderate ass.... that you are now rather than later. i won't email you back."

wow.

THEN i got another email from him saying that he was sorry. he said that when he had come over he saw how beautiful me and my kids were and he had screwed up every other relationship he had in the past and he just didnt want to hurt us. he said that he just didn't want to hurt anyone and he thought it would be better to just get it over with now. then again he said i'm sorry.

wow even more. of course i gave in and replied back to him. all i said was "what hurts me the most is the fact that you didn't call. and if he doesnt' want to be in a realtionship with me then he needs to be telling me. not just leaving me hanging like that.

so now i am waiting to see if he responds. i don't know what the next move is. i guess it is in his court now. and i will again just have to wait and see. i dont' know how to take it. is he a self - sabatoger? is he scared of commitment? i just dont' know.

what i want to know is why is he scared of hurting me? does he think that i am looking for a daddy for my kids? because i am not. does he really have some strong feelings for me? adn he is scared that i have kids and he just thought it would be better if he lets me/us go now rather than failing at this relationship?

i dont' know. i do know that you can't jsut leave someone hanging like that not knowing what is going on. that is not fair.

well that is all i have to say for now. i'm sure i will be back with more dating drama.

how can you justify your childish behavior?

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned. William Congreve

ya i got scorned. and i am so angry and disapointed and lots of other things that i can't even describe right now.

i am angry because today i got an email from that "fantastic" guy that i haven't heard from for like ten days. but it wasn't like he emailed me. he sent me a contest to enter.

i feel used and i feel horrible right now. so i sent him an email back saying " ya i got your email. and i was just wondering why you can email me but you can't call me?"

now that i think about it; it sounded kinda desperate. and i am so kicking myself in the ass right now for sending that.

oh well. he'll either get it and think i am crazy or he'll feel like shit and email me back telling me some excuse. whatever it is i dont' really care. well actually i do care and i care a lot apparently. other wise i wouldn't be writing about this in my blogs constantly.

i gotta get over this guy real fast.

alls well that ends well. i guess.

i have had the worst day ever!!! to start out my day my car broke down at 5am on the side of the highway and it was -24 out. luckily i had charged my cell phone and was able to call the tow truck. the tow truck had a 2 hr wait due to very bad road conditions. so i had to walk 4 km to work. it wasn't that far when i was sitting in my still warm car thinking about walking to work, but as soon as i started walking it became very clear just how far 4 km can be in -24 weather.
it was awful. by the time i got to my office my lips and some of my skin was blue.

i arranged for a ride home from work later that day, and as soon as i got home i realized my water pipes were frozen. then the tow truck company called and told me that they were sorry but the tow truck that was towing my car was in an accident. and my car is pretty damaged.

i made a pot of coffee and had a quick hot shower while my kids played. at this point i wanted to just cry. i was having a really bad day, and i was praying that it wouldn't get any worse.

after i got out of the shower and was getting some pj's on i heard my 5 yr old crying in the bedroom. she had been reading a book on her bed when she fell off. she sleeps on the top bunk of her and my 4 yr old's bunk beds. i called my father to come out and take us to the hospital because i thought her wrist was broken.
after 1 mix up of our hospital charts, 2 evil nurses, 1 fantastic (and very cute) male nurse! 1 very funny doctor, 5 x-rays and 3 1/2 hrs later we find out it is sprained very badly. so we brave the cold and the ice and go home.

i fed all the kids a snack and decided i'm NOT cooking dinner, and i ordered a pizza from the pizza place 15 mins away. i placed my order at 5:40 pm. the lady told me it would be 1 hr due to bad road conditions and a very high call volume. i said no problem as long as i am not cooking, i am happy.
6:40 pm rolls around and i start looking out the window expecting to see a car pull up with our hot and very yummy pizzas.
7 pm and i am still looking out the window and i decide it's time to get the girls pj's on and because it's "pajama night friday" i tell them to haul their blankets out to the livingroom. (every friday, with out fail, we watch a movie and have snacks in our pj's on our made up beds in the livingroom, it is so much fun!)

7:20 pm. i'm thinking i should call the pizza place to see what's up with our pizza. it is now 40 mins late NOT including the one hr delay due to road conditions and high calls.

i got thru, finally, to the pizza place and they told me they were very sorry and when my pizza's do arrive it would not be of any charge to me. so i thanked her and told her to have a good night and i sat in front of the window again, drinking my hot cup of coffee.

by now my kids were so hungry i thought that they were going to eat me if i didn't get to them first.

my frickin pizza didn't get here til 8:20 pm!!!!!!!!!! 1 hr and 40 mins late. i met the driver out side so she wouldn't have to get out of her nice warm car ( i was wearing my pj's and i looked like an idiot standing in snow up to my knees shivering my ass off)

she confirmed to me that the pizza was free and she left. and no i didn't tip her. (i thought that she should have tipped me though but she didn't )

guess what? yep. my pizza was cold. just like me.

then my power went out. so the kids and i ate cold pizza and pop by candle light. and we just made the best of it til the power came on. it was not out for too long, just long enough to hear some complaing about eating cold pizza from my kids.
after the power came back on and while i was eating my dinner/bed time snack my phone rang. it was the manager from the pizza place responding to my complaint of our food being so late. he wanted to apologize for that and tell me that i had a $30.00 store credit. i said thank you and good night.

i tucked my girls in to their little make shift friday night beds and sang their favorite song "you are my sunshine", rubbed their little backs for 2 mins each and said good night.

then my phone rang again. when i answered it was the manager calling to tell me i was never allowed to order pizza from their establishment again because i didnt' pay for my pizza tonight. i was competely blind sided by his words. i stood in my hallway studdering to him. i told him that i have never stolen a thing in my life (besides 5 cent candy from the 7/11 when i was like 10yrs old, and i only did that because my older sister made me).

we talked on the phone after i had calmed him down and after i composed myself. i told him about all of my calls to the place and the name of the driver who was not actually a driver but instead a server. and how she confirmed that the food was free because i had to wait so long. i told him to check his records and call me back.

then the phone rang. it was not the manager. it was my boss. she was in the restaurant when the manager called me and she had heard him say i wasn't allowed in the store because i had "stolen" pizza! oh my god!

could my day get any fuckin worse? yes it sure can. i broke down and started crying on the phone to my boss and told her everything, right from the time i got up and got stuck on the side of the highway right up til that second when i was on the phone thinking about how much worse can this get?!

she calmed me down and we talked about the bad service she had recieved in the restaurant. then i thought i should call the place back and find out what the manager had found out, so i said good night to my boss and thanked her for calling, even though i was very embarrassed, and i told her i would tell her all about it when i get to work tomorrow at 5 am. hopefully in one piece and not blue.

at 9:30 pm i got a hold of the manager and sorted everything out. i am not being charged with theft, thank god! and i still have a $30.00 store credit, although i probably will never deal with them again. and i requested a written apology from them which he said he will put it in the mail on monday.

so now i am going to bed. i am shutting all of my phones off and i am going to pray that tomorrow will be better. i dont' think i can handle another day like this one!

here's a funny story, well not really

a few girlfriends came over the other night and we were hanging out talking, doing girl stuff. my one friend thougth it would be funny to add us all to a very innapropriate website. we have all been getting emails ever since from men that have joined this site hoping to find a one nighter....i was getting one from a man that lives in my city!

we'll call him neil. neil is emailing me like crazy, so i decide i will go on to this website and delete this info about me. (it gives a description and likes/dislikes, not real names or anything, but it allows the person to leave msg's for u and the site will email u).

but it wouldn't let me delete myself. after a few days i finally send this guy an email saying "hey i didn't join this thing. pls stop emailing me." but he is relentless. neil is still emailing me. he adds my address to his msn. ya well great. so last night when i was chatting with my neighbor next door and my bff in red deer alberta on my msn, this guy signs on and IM's me.

i again tell him i'm not interested in him and to go away. so he says to me "hey i don't expect anything i saw your profile and i thought you sounded nice. i just want to get to know you and maybe we can be friends." .....um ya ok, not likely buddy. you signed up on the most digusting web site ever! because you can't get a date and you expect me to be your friend? uh no!

but something happened to my msn and for whatever reason i wouldn't let me delete him (i guess i have a prob with deleting things?) and i couldn't block him. so i ignored him, but like i said earlier he was relentless and he wouldn't stop msg'ing me. at that point it was sad. so i thought well if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! i talked to him for a few mins then told him i had to go to work, and i signed off.

tonight i planned to go online and delete him before he came on and tried to talk to me. didn't work. literally the second that i signed on, a box popped up saying "hi! it's me neil!" oh my god.

i didn't know what to do, so i said hi back. we talked for a few minutes when my bff called me on the phone. her new born was crying non-stop and she didn't know what to do. so i quickly im'd neil and told him i was on the phone i'd be a bit so better to say good night now rather than wait for me, but he was way too kind and typed back "no prob! i'll wait for you".

just great! this guy is sad AND pethetic.

after like 45 mins on the phone, my bff and i had the baby sleeping and i was well on my way into the "neil" story with her. she was laughing her ass off! (so glad she was having a good time with all of this!) and especially so when i realized he was true to his word and still online waiting for me! (at this point i was startign to feel bad) so i went back online with him and said "sorry, my bff called her baby was crying and she didn't know what to do, so i had to help her." he completely freaked out and said "wow. how do you know about kids? do you have some?"
i really liked how he refers to children as something like a box of chocolates, or some smokes..do you have some? loser.

so i, of course, say "yes i can't omit the fact that i have kids, i wouldn't be me. they are my everything, i love ALL of them so much!" he said, "ALL of them? how many do you have?"

my reply? well of course i told him exactly how many i have..."i have 7, all boys!" hahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha

ya he didnt' like that much. he signed off asap and told me he wasn't feeling well and he was going to bed! (now of course i only have 3 girls. but oh well. i certainly wasn't gonna tell this guy anything about my babies.)

we're a package deal. and the deal didn't include him. thank god